Never in my life have I come across a movie that made me want to fall asleep (To be fair, the Room is not a movie, but a science experiment,) so much as this one.
Story/Dialogue: Eddie 'Hudson Hawke' Hawkins is a thief who is forcibly tasked with the acquisition of a jewel that is said to turn lead to gold. With the help of his singing compatriot and a flirtatious nun working for the Vatican, he aims to take down the very people who have forced him to do the job.
It seems strange to me that the characters in this movie don't actually stand out from each other. They all seem to try and outweird one another, from the CIA characters with the weird code names (All named after American Candy Bars,) to the main villains, the Mayflowers.
At the mention of the Mayflowers, I would like to point out something important.
BOREDOM IS NOT A PLOT DEVICE!
It does not move the plot forward and doesn't make the villain more evil. If anything, it makes them dull and 2-dimensional. People with low attention spans become bored. Villains who have been born into money do not use it as a motivator. Now, if the villain had an interest in alchemy or history or even Leonardo Da Vinci (Who was said to have created the alchemical device in this story,), that would have made him a more quantifiable and understandable villain.
Furthermore, it is said that Bruce Willis had a hand in the writing of the script. That should tell you all you need to know right there.
Cinematography: Visually, this movie wasn't terrible. Though, you cannot make a quality movie on visuals alone. They were not enough to suspend the illusion of disbelief.
Audio: Some of the dubs for the fight scenes were ones that you would find in your early morning cartoons. While some would find it comical, it takes you out of the movie itself. Throughout the movie, Willis and his companion in crime sing duets to time how long it will take to steal whatever mark they have in mind to take. (They even made a CD!) Other than these, the music didn't really stand out or enhance the overall experience.
Overall: 2 out of 5 stars
This movie wanted it all. It wanted to be a cartoon with the dubs and occasionally silly music, it wanted to be adult by adding swearing and it wanted to be an epic modern quest with its overly complex device that required three parts of a jewel type McGuffin. It also wanted to be a musical, having Willis and his buddy singing together with backing music.
I would not recommend you watch this movie. Save yourself some time and watch the Room. You'd actually learn something.
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